The first sentence is always the hardest to write down. I read somewhere that the first sentence will define the story.

The truth is, I don’t know what this story will be about. I just figured that I needed to vent somewhere, and hey, since this blog has been gathering dust, I’ll just do it here.

A lot of things have happened in the past year. It was a whirlwind of never-ending optimism to gloom, to thinking you’ve reached the bottom, to finding out it goes deeper than you first imagined.

Most of it was my fault of course. Sure, a lot of things went awry, that were totally out of control, but I find it easier to just put the blame on myself.

Friendships were cracked, new bonds were formed, new lives welcomed, some souls said farewell to. Some days, you don’t feel like waking up. On every other day, you fought to stay awake, hoping that, by some leap of logic, if you didn’t sleep, tomorrow won’t come.

Today, I’m not even sure if I’ve managed to climb out of the abyss. I see sunlight, but I’m not certain that it’s meant for me, or if I even deserve it. 

Everywhere I go, I paint my smile on paper, hoping the glue stays on. Most of the time, I don’t want to be around anyone.

I’m not writing this, to ask for your pity, or to beg for anyone’s sympathy.

I’m building myself up, and all I want is time.